Sideways

Today is a walk-sideways-one-step-at-a-time-down-the-stairs kind of day. That's how sore I am. I wouldn't mind it so much except when the girls are fighting and I need to intervene it's hard to get there fast and even harder, I imagine, to be taken seriously when I'm hobbling around like this.

"Oh, look, here comes mom down the stairs. She looks really mad..."

[5 minutes later]

"We're in trouble. I bet she's gonna kick our asses.

Wait. She can't! because she's too sore.

Let's just keep fighting."

I need to stretch so ass-kicking is an option if it really needs to be done.

'Cause, you know, that's the kind of mom I am. The ass-kicking kind.

(sorry, mom, for saying "ass" so many times)

Ass.